The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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