Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
