We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
