Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
