Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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