I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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