Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
