is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
