Sry I called you an 8
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
