Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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