walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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