I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
