worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
