I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
