Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
