you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
