I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
