I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
