I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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