my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
