carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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