we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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