next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
