Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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