My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
