There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
