he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
third nipple confirmed
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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