My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
