You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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