So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
