I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
