Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
