Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
