I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
