dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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