I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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