So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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