I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
