So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am available for nakedness
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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