proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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