things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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