the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
ok first of all what the fuck
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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