You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
