By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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