Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
