Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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