the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
