I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
