he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
