thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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