whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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