I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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