So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
