Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
