My friends, they love my intelligence
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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