guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
