HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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