he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
