i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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