I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
