You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
