I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
