She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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