They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
