Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sarcasm needs its own font
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
