you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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