I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
