New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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