this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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