Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize