at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Holy shit dude........stairs
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
