Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
