I want to stick my p in your. b.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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