He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
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