There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
