Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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