in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
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whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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